I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
