So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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