so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
