Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i now understand why vodka
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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