apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
