...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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