I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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