She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
