As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
