Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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