the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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