I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
