i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need water and some morals
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
