Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
