so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
