you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
