so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
