i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
