My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
