Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
