Someone shit on the floor
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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