Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
