did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This toilet bowl is my home.
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