and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Can't talk, ducks in the car
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
