fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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