I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
