speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
