if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
