you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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