But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
