So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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