umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
