I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
