i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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