So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Mom said you looked used
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
