I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
