hotel room ftw
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
