do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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