After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
