god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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