im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
