Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
