Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
