I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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