Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My balls are so social today.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
