I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
