Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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