:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
