McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
