Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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