Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
