Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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