we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
