she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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