the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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